Why Do I Wander

This song came out of a quiet moment more than anything else. I didn't have to spend too much time setting it up mentally because all of these questions are things I might have asked myself or the Lord at some point in my life. Just sitting there letting my mind run a little farther than I usually let it go more than anything else. And when you do that, the same kinds of questions tend to show up again and again as well.

You start thinking about who you are versus who you're trying to become. You begin to notice the gap and reflect about the decisions you've made, the ones you're making right now, and whether they're actually taking you where you say you want to go. There's a weight to that if you let it sit long enough.

Some of the questions are simple on the surface but they carry a lot underneath.

Am I known? Am I doing this right? Why do I keep reaching for things that don't last? Why does it feel like I understand something one day and then lose it the next?

I realized pretty quickly I wasn't coming up with anything original. People have been asking these same questions forever too, not just me. That part actually settled me down a bit. It means there's already been answers given.

What stood out to me was how direct Christ is when He speaks. There's no confusion in it. He doesn't use those layers that you have to unlock. When He talks about being the way, or the light, or the good shepherd, He's telling you exactly where to look and exactly who He is.

To me, there's a steadiness to it. You can come back to those words over and over and they don't shift depending on how you're feeling that day. Whether you feel close or far, whether you feel like you're getting it or missing it completely, His words don't move.

That's where this song really sits for me. It's that space between asking and remembering. This idea of turning your attention back to what's already been said.

I believe He meant what He said. I believe He knows people individually. I believe He's aware in ways we don't always recognize in the moment and that He's patient while we figure things out at our own pace.

And I believe that invitation still stands exactly the same way it always has.